These Accidental Ways Kids Roasted Their Parents Are Simultaneously Heartbreaking and Hilarious

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    It's no surprise to anyone who has ever had a child, or even one, that kids often say the craziest, funniest and most profound things. As the old saying goes, the truth comes from the mouth of babes.

    As I grew up, I remember a weekend when my parents brought me to the museum. I was excited, but also bored, though I saw works by the most incredible artists in the Metropolitan Museum. I threw that part away because I was so young, but obviously pointing to a bare marble statue, I said really loud in a silent hall, "Dad, he has something," just like you! "

    My parents were horrified, but luckily, everyone else in the museum shrugged and laughed. Whenever I hear this example, it always upsets me, especially now that I'm older because it reminds me that children always tell their truth, not a filter.

    That's why it's new AskReddit About the unintentionally hurting thing that you have heard, children say, warms our hearts.

    Scroll down to laugh, cry and appreciate the fact that children say the craziest things.

    1. That's cold Lion King spectator

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    When my daughter was 5, I kept her awake The Lion King, She is a pretty emotional little thing, so we were worried about how she would react to her father's death.

    We come to the scene, and I watch her carefully, but there is no big reaction … this is a kid crying during some commercials. Anyway, I do not ask the problem and let it roll. Later in the movie, she asks where Simba's father is, and I think, "here we go."

    I stop the movie and talk to her about how he died in the mass panic. Her reaction …

    "What's the big deal, he still has his mother"

    Freezing.

    RolandGilead19

    2. The birthday Un-Inviter

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    My almost 3-year-old twins often tell me that I'm not invited to their birthday party.

    Cavi_

    3. This proposal contradicts

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    I always said that I would marry my mother when I was 3 because I did not know what a marriage was. Whenever I got angry, I always shouted "I will not marry you anymore" and my mother only laughed.

    bigbonerdaddy

    4. This wrestling fan

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    That did not necessarily hurt my feelings, but once I watched with my 11 year old pro wrestling. There's a female who is heavier when she came out, my son gets quite excited and says, "Look at Mom, she's like you. Her face is thin, but when you zoom out, she's not!" He did not understand how that would be a rude remark, he thought he said something nice, lol.

    Throwawayxxx8

    5. Kid Rocks kid

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    Kid Rock once said that he brought his child and a friend to the movies. His son and boyfriend did not want to sit next to him because it was uncool to sit with your father. Then it hit him, everyone in this theater would love to sit next to Kid Rock, except his son. Which means that he has to educate correctly.

    Jared_from_Quiznos

    6. The mathematician

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    5yo: "You are old!"

    Me: "I'm not that old (with a slight tone of indignation) How old do you think I am?"

    5yo: "The last number."

    Fatfairies

    7. The young fitness fan

    image

    I was sitting with my brother, parents, and nephews having dinner one evening when my brother asked me, "Did you think about going to the gym?" I asked, "Was that a fat joke?" and my nephew (3 at the time) turned to me directly and said, "You're a big joke."

    frisbee guru

    8. This little sartorialist

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    4 years: "Are you a mom?"
    Me: "No, I'm only friends with your mom."
    4 years: "Oh …. (softly) But you have an ugly handbag like a mom."

    aviatorsallday

    9. The Genovia Afficionado

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    My little cousin once said to me: "You look like Anne Hathaway in Princess Diaries before she has her makeover" ….

    thekittenknits

    10. This calculating little monster

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    My first year child had typing / drawing duties every day.

    Thursday: Why do you love your mother? Because she hugs me.
    Friday: Why do you love your father? Because he buys stuff for me.

    ZestGrabber

    11. This crazy scientist

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    This is my mother's favorite story about me as a child.

    Rumblith, what are you doing with the Play-Doh?

    A pizza for [Kindergarten teacher]

    Oh, that's nice. What kind of pizza are you doing?

    POISON PIZZA!

    rumblith

    12. The father-daughter-Ditcher

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    I do not know if this happens all over the country … but in the South they have these "father / daughter" dances in elementary school. I always thought they were ridiculous and a bit scary, so I had no interest in ever going to one … but I have daughters, so I knew there was a chance that I would end up with one of those abominations would end. I've never shared my opinion with my girls … just something I would resent my wife from time to time.

    One day, my eldest daughter came home with a daddy daughter dancing aviator and she was ready to leave. I thought, "Great, we're going …" but I sucked it up and pretended she was as enthusiastic as she would go. I was afraid of that … but honestly, I would be much worse if I saw my girls happy.

    A few days before the dance, my daughter asked my wife to take her to a beautiful dress and shoes. My wife later told me that I really had to take this seriously, because that was all she had talked about for a week. I thought I would go with it and if she looked great … damn, I was!

    So I went out and bought a nice outfit for the affair with shoes and everything. I rarely buy anything, so I just knew that the gesture of seeing me in new clothes would give her a big kick that day. I hid my clothes so they were a surprise.

    The more excited she became, the more I looked forward to it. Maybe I judged the dance too hard and it's nice to go out with your daughter and have fun. It dawned on me that maybe we did not do enough together and it felt like I really needed to spend more time with her. I felt like maybe I was a little father and this dance would be the beginning of a new leaf. I found myself really excited for this g-dt fucking dance … I could not believe it.

    The day I run home and get ready and then I come out and she's dressed super nice and she's beaming when she sees my new outfit. Mom took some pictures and we were all set for a great time.

    We arrived at the dance and I look at all the other dads in jeans and t-shirts and I think … "Ha! My kid needs to be so proud of her dad!" We go to the gym, we play music and everyone assemble.

    I hug my daughter and say, "I'm so happy we came!" She says to me, "Oh hey, that's my friend over there, I'll say hello!"

    My daughter never returned the rest of the dance.

    I stood there against the wall and watched as every other dad in jeans and T-shirt danced with her daughters and mine never did. She did not say a word to me, just hung around with her friends. When her friends danced with their fathers, she just dealt with someone who was not there.

    I stood there in my outfit and listened to one song after another embarrassed and sad. The longer the dance lasted and the more songs were told about fathers and their daughters, the sadder I became. In the end, I fought tears.

    I was in the same place for two hours because I did not want to move if she was looking for me. But she never did. At the end of the night she told me how much fun she had with her friends.

    I've done my best to pretend that I'm having fun too … she did not care that I was a wallflower all night, sad that I was forgotten. When I got home, I went to my room, locked the door and cried.

    She had no idea that she hurt me that night. And I thought so.

    It is not the best memory.

    UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE

    Oh wow, I did not see that coming! Thanks to the people who gilded this and thanks to everyone who sent me nice messages and told their own stories that were like mine.

    So I thought I would come back to add some things and answer some of the most common questions.

    The next day, while I was at work, my wife sat down with my daughter and explained what had happened the night before. She told her that she had been a little thoughtless, and perhaps next time, she's careful that some people are willing to sacrifice her own happiness for others. And that I was glad that she had a great time, but that I felt a bit exuberant.

    This is the EXACT Reason why I did not allow myself to be sad … or insulted her for making me feel bad at the time.

    I had a very mentally offending stepfather. His constant insults and manipulations made me a passive adult, who was so anxious to please everyone else, who often gets along without them and takes little account of my needs.

    Because of how I am … I know that it has no value raising a shrinking violet. I let her run and have fun with her friends … because that was her version of fun for the night. I did not "ask" her to dance because I did not want to embarrass her in front of her friends … or made her dance with me out of a sense of duty. I kept my sadness for myself, because I did not want to blame her after having such a merry night. These are all things that would have happened to me as a child and I am afraid of raising a woman who can not stand on her own feet. I was sad for one night … or 100 nights for that matter … I'm worth it if I've raised a self-confident woman who lives by her own happiness and does not live her life and makes everyone else happy, like I did it.

    My child is not a robot. She has feelings and empathy. Feeling she did not hang out with me at a silly dance does not teach her about something she does not already understand. It creates a reason for her to guess herself the next time she is in a similar situation. Next time, she might say to herself, "I wish I could hang out with my friends … but I stay close to my dad because I hurt his feelings, last time." Or "I really would like to .. but I'm scared to do that because I do not want to upset anyone." "I'm so unhappy in this marriage … but I want my wife and children to be happy. "

    Like me.

    There is something that can be said to raise children … especially girls … with a strong sense of self-worth. I want my girls to be independent and live a balanced life.

    I made a big deal and my child felt guilty on the way home, in my eyes it would have been selfish. I was not about to fuck on her merry night because her dad had run away. I let her have a fun night and we talked about what happened. That way she has her good memory … and knows how to be more careful next time. IMO, that was the best way to handle it.

    We talked the next day and she apologized. We hugged it and everything is fine. She is now 15 and that happened 5-6 years ago. We have a great relationship and I fully understand that she did not do it on purpose and that she was just a kid who had an explosion that night. I was just trapped in my own feelings.

    But my second daughter … knowing the story and being sensitive like her dad … was at my side all night when we went to her dance. I really had to tell her that she should have fun. We danced a few times and then I knelt down to her and told her to play with her friends and have a good time! That was a much better night.

    The dance of my third daughter will most likely be his year … and I'm looking forward to it too!

    blackjesus hiphop

    13. The young poet

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    Worked as a camp counselor for children with special needs. This boy with autism got into trouble because he was talking again, so he and I went to the big boss to discuss things. No one spoke until the boy burst "If a hole could fly, this place would be an airport." I had to leave the room because I did not try to laugh.

    Splashy17

    14. The ambitious feminist

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    My cousin's 2-year-old whirled around in a dress and declared, "I'm a princess!"

    My cousin said, "You know honey, princesses should be nice and sweet, you can not be rude anymore and you have to stop yelling at people!"

    The child immediately shouted, "I do not want to be a princess !!!"

    So my cousin asked her what she wanted to be, and she immediately responded with "The Boss."

    eraser_dust

    15. These tragic brats

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    I'm a very old guy who usually lures the Reddit. I have created an account to comment on this post.

    I wish I could say that I had a great influence on the education of my girls, but that was not the way things came out. I did a lot of silly sh-t, as did my ex-wife. She was in prison for a while and I was in and out of prison during my daughter's life. My younger daughters were raised by my ex-father, while my eldest daughter was raised by my father. Her life was certainly polar opposites. My ex-family came from money, our family had money and lost everything. We lived in as much poverty as possible. Rock floor. Did not help me that I did not contribute much.

    I was not allowed to see my two younger girls much. Her grandfather hated my guts. I got that. I did not understand how they treated my dad. He was the hardest and most honest man I ever knew. If something was broken, he was over in your house over there with tools to fix it without asking. It was never too late in his life.

    I remember we had all the girls for the 4th of July. We grilled some burgers on a brand new grill. Spent more than we should, but we have not all seen them very often. Much moaning on the two younger girls. They would rather go to McDonalds, we had Mr. Pibb instead of Dr. Pepper and so on. But what caught me was when one of my younger daughters said, "We want to go home, your house is dirty and [oldest daughter] I do not have a good toy! "I'm damn glad that my dad was almost deaf at that point because hearing had broken his heart, never forgetting the expression on her face, no tears or embarrassment, just looking empty and staring into space.

    There were other stories and moments like these. Too long to write. After all, my two younger daughters have changed their surname from mine to their grandfather. They stopped contacting my father and me. Gifts for birthdays and Christmas were returned.

    The feel-good part of the story comes from my eldest. She is now grown up. I knew when she was little that her other grandfathers and sisters bribed her. With toys and with her beautiful house. She would come home and tell my dad or me if I was around. The answer I had at that time was, "Is that so?" No more and no less. I found the courage to ask her why she stayed with Dad instead of living with her sisters when she was older ….

    She said to me, "I felt like dad had nothing to live for, wanted to stay because I knew he loved me and needed me, even then I knew it was more honest than people who gave me new toys and asked me if I would rather live with them. "I think I have to point out that my father lost all his money because he spent hundreds of thousands trying to save my mother. Diabetic coma. I was in jail at the time and they did not let me say goodbye. He spent all our money and sold the house by the lake to keep it alive. After she left, she was a man's grenade. The only time I saw him smile after that was that he took care of my eldest.

    So, what she said hit me deeply, let me tell you … she is my pride and my joy. I wish I could have given her more, but I knew my dad could make amends, though there was not much to give. She appreciated everything as a child. She is smart as a whip. I got a scholarship at full speed. Teach me how to use the Internet and tap the keyboard. She was hit hard by my dad's death. Harder than me maybe. But she is strong. Quite. Although I let her down, she was always there for me. By my heart disease. My fucking broken hip. I lost my balance and hit my head pretty hard a few years ago and she flew here to take care of me. Much hell in our lives, but she has overcome all odds.

    My other daughters .. well. They would like to pretend that I am not their father. I know, I get pissed off when I say that, but the feeling is mutual. I feel that I have seized every opportunity that they have wasted and wasting it. You are entitled to brats. How they treated my daughter, my dad, I know that my elder tried to get close to them. Sh-t hit the fan as they came to ask what they would get out of my father's will after death. He had nothing but the house we lived in and the clothes on his back. Gave every damn cent to raise my oldest. They returned every gift and every letter he had sent to them, and they came and asked for presents. I have never seen my oldest daughter until this moment. I think she managed to get my mood.

    I know that I had no influence on the life of my child. Maybe I have no right to be proud. So I thank my dad, who sacrificed everything for my daughter. Thank you for making her a damn good woman. Thanks also to all who took the time to read this old man's gibberish.

    We miss you Dad, R.I.P.

    davidson1959

    16. This musical Grinch

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    Every morning as a child, I always woke up to the sound of my mother. It was her way of watching "it's time for school." I would like to wait until my door or pretend to sleep, just to listen to her more. When I was 10, I was in a bad mood and my mother sang while driving, I yelled at her "Stop singing! You do not even sound good." She stopped singing after that.

    chxrryontop

    17. This little girl with a masterful saving

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    Less than a month after I had a baby, my 6-year-old asked me if I would start working with it to make my stomach sink. I said "Thanks …" and she said "No, not in a mean way, I just want to hug you closer."

    Mrs_Featherbottom_



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