In a loving family, there really is nothing like the bond that a child has with his parents. Even as you get older and hopefully start your own family, it is a deep connection that can not be separated. A woman named Nikki Pennington has been working to maintain this connection even after her mother's death. Pennington blogs about grief and the sometimes very long road to recovery after the loss of a loved one. Her mother died unexpectedly and she often writes about this loss and how it affects her daily life, and she keeps a Facebook page called "Grief to Hope" with Nikki Pennington. A new article has become viral because it shows what a fantastic mother Nikki had. Pennington writes that she has always fought with fear. Her mother knew that about her, and she was great at kidding her when she turned. After her mother died, Pennington told her husband that "her person", who knew how to help her, was gone forever. He then told her an amazing story about what Nikki's mother had done on her wedding day to make sure she did not happen. Fear is part of my life as long as I can remember. It's been so long since I did not do it. I really remember a time in my life without her.
If you are afraid, then you know that you have that one person. The one person who knows how to help calm you in the midst of the fear-fog.
This one person for me was my mother. If I could sit next to the twenty-five-year-old, I would sit right next to the place where I could sit next to the twenty-five-year-old. I would sit right next to the younger I who yells, "Why she ??" and "Where are YOU? How did you just disappear?" and "How will I survive this without you?" • I just embrace her, so tight I would hug her like my mother would have hugged me if she were there. • I would tell her that she will feel that she can not breathe for a few days. • On some days, the weight of grief and life without her feels so hard that she thinks she can no longer wear it. I'll hug her harder if I do. Say that next. • I tell her that suddenly one day something beautiful will happen. She'll be me and I'll sit with you for almost seven years later, with a smile my face and a joy that I would never have thought of when I was her all those years ago. Yes, some days will eventually prove impossible to survive, you will survive them anyway. On some days she will come through without crying and on other days she will wonder if she has cried all the tears her body is dealing with and she will cry even more. I'll remind her that it does not matter how she comes through. She comes through because that's the only way to do the whole thing, and that's what it's feel. She can not help but leave her, and she will not be able to go to her, but she can not tell her that she will feel she will be a hundred times over, but in the end she will Feeling as though she had become a completely different person, a person free to live again. A better version of her, one that is just like her mother and there she will find her and her mother again. That's where she'll find the beauty in that sorrow. Posted on Jun 24, 2018 at 5:46 pm PDT
She knew exactly what to say, how to say it, and the right moment to say it, to help me bring myself back to reality. Her words and comfort were always stronger than my fear.
I always assumed that she would always be there to be my person, but that all changed. It was a couple of weeks after my husband and I got married and started to feel scared. I said, "I have to call my mother." He paused, saying, "What if you talk to me instead? Just try it out and see if I can compare it." So I did it, I gave it a chance to ease my fear and it was as if I were talking to my mother. The calls to my mother, when my fear was in full force, became less and less. She never asked why, never asked for it. That's because mothers like mine are few. The day my mother died, I called my husband. I said, "My person is gone, the one who knew me and loved me with all my mistakes, the one, the only one who could calm my fears, is gone."
Then he started telling me a story about my mother. A story I did not know about her before because she did not want me to know. You see on our wedding day that my mother gave a message to my husband. A note that was only for the two. A piece of paper titled "How to Be Nikki's Person." It was a step-by-step tutorial on what they would say and do for me if my anxiety took over. Step 1: Just listen
Step 2: Listen a little more
Step 3: Do not try to solve the problem
Step 4: Tell her you understand
Step 5: Keep listening until she has solved it by herself. She will, she always does. On my wedding day, it looked like someone threw up the color purple and not because it was my favorite color, but someone else's. • One of my bridesmaids retired at the last minute and one of our cakes never arrived. My dad was not the right one • My dress was considered risky for a church wedding because my shoulders showed something of my back. In fact, some family members had even approved my dress before I could wear it. • Our wedding was under two thousand dollars, we were broke and our photographer turned out that he was not actually a photographer, so we do not have many pictures of that day to show • My wedding was far from traditional, my family background was opposite of I said to my husbands, I was wearing ivory instead of white (insert panting) • I say all this to tell you why the world needs to see how Meghan Markle marries Prince Harry because the world is a not so perfect princess needs • The world has to see real, she has to see that just because families are different does not mean that love can not win Even a princess has a family drama and that's fine. Here is the Meghan Markle, who represents so many of us in the world, with families that work a little differently, with ideas that marginalize traditional things and show the world Princess is not good Pinterest is always perfect or like one Lifelong movie and that's fine • Here's where the world sees your family background, all of these traditions and even a chic wedding will not determine the strength of your marriage • So, Miss Markle, I'll cheer you on my sofa while I do one send a hat I bought from Amazon as I watch you walk down the aisle knowing that you are paving the way for so many of us whose families and backgrounds look a little different #royalwedding #marriage # meghanmarkle #wedding Posted by Nikki (@ gree2hope) on May 18, 2018 at 4:54 pm PDT
She did not know it yet, but she had figured it out all the time. My mother refused to be my person, not because she wanted to, but because she wanted my husband to know what it must be like when she was no longer here. She gave up being my person so she could make sure I always had one, no matter what. Well Mom, you will always be my person forever. People are deeply moved by this story of Penningtons mother, who deliberately gives her space to a person, and many in terms of how to handle fear. They also have "their person" who helped them when they were low, and some also lost them: a nice reminder of how love continues beyond separation. Celebrate your person or the memory of your person today. They will make you smile, no matter where they are.